I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
