And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When are your genitals available?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
