Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
