I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
