I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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