I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
