Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
