If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
