everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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