Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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