Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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