Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My balls are so social today.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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