i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
