Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
