Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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