HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
