There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
