yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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