is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize