I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
