when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
