I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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