just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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