i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
