how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
