I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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