dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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