I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
