Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My dick has a subreddit
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize