At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
