a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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