the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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