This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
