Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
