Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
