It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
