JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
