She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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