uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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