I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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