i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
