I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
