How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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