I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
