so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
