I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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