I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
