I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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