YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
