my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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