Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
