Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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