I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
