so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
