I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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