there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
