So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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