It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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