My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
