I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
