Small penises have feelings too.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
