I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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