I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
