saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
