you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
