You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
