I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
