I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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