dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
