spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
