hell yes lets make some ravioli
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
