don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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