Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
