Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
