this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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