currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
