i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
