College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
