she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
