wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
