he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
