My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
false alarm. still invincible.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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