She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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