they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
