I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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